Doctor’s Orders: Learn to Love Together this Valentine’s Day with a Relationship Refresh Plan
Learn to Love Together this Valentine’s Day with a Relationship Refresh Plan
Susan Kellogg-Spadt, CRNP, PhD, stresses role of intimacy in maintaining a healthy & mutually satisfying relationship
A recent study examined the association between masturbation and sexual satisfaction in a relationship. The evidence gleaned from a convenience sample of over 15,000 subjects supported a compensatory relationship between masturbation and sexual frequency for men, and a complementary relationship among sexual frequency and masturbation for women. In other words, low partnered sexual frequency can be related to an increase in masturbation frequency among men, but for women, partnered sexual frequency and self-pleasuring may increase together. Irrespective of the length of a relationship, understanding the cause and effect roles that partnered sexual stimulation and self-sexual stimulation play in a relationship is important.
Susan Kellogg-Spadt, Professor of Ob/Gyn at Drexel University College of Medicine and Director of the Female Sexual Medicine Program at The Center for Pelvic Medicine in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, discusses how women and couples can use this information to create a ‘Relationship Refresh Plan’ for increasing satisfaction.
Consider the following ways to reconnect with your partner:
Make time to talk about sex.
Intentionally set aside time to connect and talk as it creates a committed conversation space with no excuses. Just 20 minutes of dedicated time each week can open a new level of conversation – and help you both see what you have been missing. This can be a time to talk to your partner about how much you values sex with them and/or tell your partner you miss intimacy- ask how they feel, then listen. Complaining or demanding your needs be met will cause your partner to withdraw.
Warm up to intimacy with ‘before-play’.
A woman’s sexual desire can fluctuate during the week and the month. Understanding the complementary relationship between self-stimulation and sexual frequency for women, couples can increase sexual frequency with the use of a recently developed non-prescription personal arousal device, Fiera, that works with a woman’s body to enhance arousal and get her physically ready for sex with her partner.
Be open about physical changes and sexual pain.
Hormonal changes that accompany post-partum, peri-menopause and post menopause may contribute to painful sex. Research suggests that use of over-the-counter lubricants before sex and a vaginal moisturizer used regularly as a part of a vaginal care routine, can decrease vaginal dryness, increase comfort AND pleasure for couples.
Be each other’s biggest cheerleader.
Research shows that relationship satisfaction is influenced more by how we react to each other’s good news, than it is determined by being there for one another when something bad happens.
Lighten Up!
Think back to the early days in your relationship, before the kids and responsibilities came along. What did you enjoy doing together and what attracted you to each other? Block time to do some of those things and reintroduce PLAY into the relationship.
“Aside from chocolates and flowers this Valentine’s Day, couples can make a long-term romantic investment by working on ways to improve their relationships and sexual fulfillment in their day-to-day lives. And, once the “sexual refresh” conversation begins- don’t let it stop!” adds Kellogg-Spadt.
Category: Sexuality
