Questions You Were Too Afraid To Ask A Funeral Director
Randi Goldstein Casey and Brett Schwartz,
Vice Presidents/Funeral Directors,
Goldsteins’ Rosenberg’s Raphael-Sacks Funeral Home
The loss of a loved one is a difficult process for any family member. However, the benefits to pre-planning a funeral are truly a blessing for the survivors. While the feelings of sadness, honor, and responsibility play a large role in the decision-making process, pre-planning allows family to focus on healing and coming together without the additional pressure of having to make decisions concerning the funeral service.
There is no right or wrong time to prepare for a funeral. These pre-arrangements can be discussed at any age. Plans can easily be amended as preferences or circumstances change.
By pre-planning a funeral, choices are respected and carried out without leaving the family to wonder what wishes might have been. In addition, most funeral homes offer the option of pre-paying for the funeral in advance to lock in the cost at current prices.
Where to Begin in the Funeral Pre-Planning Process
Keep in mind that there are many ways to begin the conversation. For some, it might be a casual discussion over dinner. For others, it might be a formal meeting. Regardless, the conversation is easier to have when death is not imminent. Addressing the subject earlier in life makes it easier to discuss and keeps the focus on the celebration of life rather than on an impending loss.
Tips to Start the Advance Planning Conversation
- Begin by telling your children or loved ones that because you care so much for them you don’t want to burden them with difficult decisions when you’re gone. Let them know that you have made your own final arrangements. Provide a written record of those arrangements.
- Schedule a time to have the conversation.
- Communicate with a parent or loved one that you want to ensure that final arrangements are carried through according to wishes and, for that to occur, you need their assistance.
- Ease into the conversations. Such questions as “Have you ever thought about where you would like to be buried?” or “What type of funeral would you like to have?” can open up the discussion to securing more details on a loved one’s wishes.
- Share what you liked or didn’t like from a funeral previously attended. This helps to plan for what will work best for you and your loved one.
- Purchase grave sites with the appropriate cemetery.
- Once you make funeral and cemetery plans, provide a copy of all paperwork to your children or others who will be carrying out your wishes.
Burial Options
Most people are familiar with the concept of burial or “interment,” but may not be aware of the varieties of options available. Today, cemeteries offer one or more of the following:
- Ground Burial
- Mausoleum or Community Mausoleum
- Private Family Mausoleum
- Companion Crypt
Having a place to visit and remember a loved one is a natural human need. A permanent memorial in a cemetery provides a focal point for remembrance and memorializing the deceased. This has been a key component of almost every culture. The remembrance practices, from the funeral or memorial service to permanent memorialization, serves as an important emotional function for survivors by helping them bring closure and allowing the healing process to begin.
Types of Services
When pre-planning, there are various types of services to fill an important role to:
- Honor, recognize and celebrate the life of the deceased
- Allow friends and family to say last good-byes
- Provide closure
- Give an opportunity for friends to console the grieving family
Types of services can include:
- Formal or informal ceremony or ritual prior to burial to provide closure. Although the faith or culture may dictate some elements of the service, there are opportunities to provide personalization.
- A memorial or tribute service may or many not have the casket or urn present. Similar to a funeral or visitation, a memorial service gives family and friends to come together to celebrate the life of their loved one.
- A graveside service can be held prior to burial and usually consists of final remarks, prepares, and memories. This may occur after or in place of a funeral service.
There is no right or wrong way to plan a funeral service. However, it should be as unique and memorable as the life it honors.
Questions to Ask When Pre-Planning a Funeral
Consider the following questions:
- Where should the funeral be held? At a place of worship? At a funeral home?
- What clothing will the deceased be buried in?
- Who will officiate the service?
- Will the service adhere to traditions of a specific faith or culture?
- Will a eulogy be delivered? If so, who will deliver the eulogy?
- If any, what music should be played?
- Will any readings be included? Which ones?
- Are there special photographs or memorabilia to be displayed?
- Will there be pallbearers?
- Is there a specific emblem or engraving requested on the headstone?
- What are the plans following the service? Will there be refreshments? Where?
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Randi Goldstein Casey and Brett Schwartz are Vice Presidents/Funeral Directors at Goldsteins’ Rosenberg’s Raphael-Sacks Funeral Home in Philadelphia, Bucks County, PA and Atlantic City, NJ. A five-generation family business, Goldsteins’ Rosenberg’s Raphael-Sacks offers funeral services and cremation services, in addition to a range of additional options including veteran services, memorial/tribute services, transportation and more. Visit www.GoldsteinsFuneral.com
